Rooted (靈囚) - English Version

 Light! A beam of light!

I look toward the light, only to suddenly realize I can sense its position but cannot see anything. What’s happening to me? Panicked, I try to raise my hand to rub my eyes but find I can’t feel my hand move or even locate where my face is. What’s going on? Shocked, I try to open my mouth to say something but cannot feel my mouth making any movement. Where am I? What’s happening to me? A flood of questions races through my mind, accompanied by a surge of anxiety. I have no idea what’s wrong with me!

After the initial chaos, I try to recall the last thing I saw. Numerous fragmented images surface, but their order is a jumbled mess. I feel as though I’m breathing heavily, but I can’t sense the existence of my nose, the feeling of air passing through my nostrils, or the rise and fall of my chest. Am I dreaming? How do I wake up?

I don’t know how long it’s been, but I seem to be able to piece together some visual memories. I remember I was coming out of a shop, walking along the sidewalk, when suddenly I heard people shouting behind me, followed by the screeching of brakes. Then, something seemed to scoop me up from behind—a large object supporting my hips, back, and the back of my head. My face was turned skyward as I was flung into the air. The sky was so blue, and for a moment, I felt I could touch it if I reached out. But then the blue turned to white, then brown, and finally red. That’s when I passed out. When I woke up, there was the beam of light.

From this memory, it seems I was hit by a car? Where am I now? A hospital? But why can’t I feel my physical presence? My hands, my body, my face—I can sense their positions but cannot perceive any interaction with the external world. Touch, temperature, smell—they all seem to have vanished.

Could it be that I haven’t actually woken up yet? Am I still unconscious, only regaining awareness and hearing? If I sleep a bit more, maybe I’ll fully wake up and regain my body. Thinking this, I quiet down and start to listen to my surroundings.

I hear a faint breeze, probably from an air vent, along with a weak buzzing sound—likely from some equipment. There are rhythmic mechanical noises, like a pulley lifting and lowering something repeatedly. In the distance, there’s a regular beeping and occasional muffled voices, but I can’t make out what they’re saying. So, I must be indoors, probably in a hospital, with medical staff checking on things. But what time is it? Am I still unconscious? I’m utterly confused.

Am I awake now? I try to sleep but fail. Instead, I focus on sensing whether my fingers can feel anything. But all I can discern is that “I have fingers”; there’s no tactile sensation, and I can’t move them—not even a slight twitch.

I don’t know how long I’ve been trying when I fall asleep again.

I’m awakened by a sudden noise—a heavy piece of equipment being wheeled around nearby. The sound of wheels rolling on the ground mingles with indistinct voices in the distance and the beeping of some device alarms. I try to make sense of each sound, but they’re muffled, as if behind a door or wall. Suddenly, I hear the door open, followed by something being pushed inside. The various chaotic voices from the hallway grow clearer with the open door.

“Kris, Dr. Jay wants you to come over.”
“Send it to Room 137. There’s an available bed there.”
“Can you check the air conditioning in Room 131 later? It seems too cold.”
“Alice, can you come over here?”
“David, could you take these files to the MRI department?”

So I am certain that I should be in the hospital, but why can I still see and feel nothing? Am I awake? The light is still there, and after a while, accompanied by the sound of curtains being drawn, the light seems to turn into a warm orange color. Yet, I still can’t feel any warmth, let alone any sense of touch.

"Hey! Is anyone there!!! I'm here!" I shout, though I still can’t feel my throat or my tongue. I try again, "Hey!!! Hey!!! I'm here, can you hear me?"

No response. Soon after, the sound of a vacuum cleaner starts, loud and noisy. Instinctively, I try to raise my hand to cover my ears, but I know my hand is there, I can sense it, I can’t perceive any movement, nor can I feel my ears, let alone cover them to block the noise. I suddenly begin to panic. Is it possible that I have already woken up, but can’t move my body or make a sound, so they don’t know I’m awake?

“Hey!!!! I'm here!!! I’m awake!!!”
“Can anyone hear me!!!”
“Why can’t you hear me! I’m right here!!!”

I feel myself screaming in despair, but I still can’t feel my throat or tongue, and I can’t hear any sound coming from me. The vacuum cleaner stops. I continue shouting for a while, and then I hear the janitor picking up things and pushing the vacuum cleaner away. Then, the door closes, and the voices in the hallway become muffled...

“Hey! Why can’t you hear me!”

I feel that my cries are filled with despair, and I can almost imagine the tears flowing from my eyes, but still, I don’t feel any feedback from the muscles in my face, my throat, tongue, or mouth—they all seem absent.

I don’t know how long passes, but the door gently opens, and some hurried footsteps approach. I can’t help but shout again, “Is anyone there! I’m here!”  Even though I know that probably no one will hear...

“Room 139, patient 1391, Sean Hsu,” a girl's voice comes.

“Yes, it’s me, I’m Sean! I’m right here!” I shout with all my strength.

“Traumatic brain injury from a traffic accident, currently in a vegetative state, other physiological indicators are normal,” another girl’s voice says.

Vegetative state!? I’m a vegetable? Huh!?


"I can hear you! I’m right here! Help me!" I instinctively shout, even though I don’t have the nerve feedback to speak. I still do my best to shout, "But I’m right here!!!"

A slightly mature female voice slowly answers, "What a pitty, he is still so young. Let’s observe for a while longer. If he starts breathing on his own, we can remove the ventilator."

I suddenly realize that the regular sound I hear, like something being pulled up and lowered, is the sound of my respirator.

"But I’m awake! I’m right here! Why can’t you hear me?... I’m really awake!" I continue to shout silently, struggling to raise my hand in my mind, hoping they might see me, but the footsteps sound again as they file out of the room, and the door gently closes...

In despair, I open my mouth to shout in my mind, even though I know I can’t produce any sound. But that despair overwhelms me, and I can’t resist the impulse to shout, as if I am trapped in a cage, bound not only in my limbs but in my breath as well, struggling to break free in vain. My consciousness feels my breath becoming more rapid, sinking into a state where I can't breathe because of despair, like a living person bound and placed in a coffin, still conscious, hearing the coffin lid being nailed shut, with the remaining air trapped in a small box. My hands and feet are bound and can’t move, and my desperate screams are unheard. Then, I hear the coffin being lowered into a grave, and the sound of dirt being shoveled in, burying the coffin. The most terrifying thing is that, in this desperate cage, my consciousness remains alert. I suddenly think: will this affect my breathing and trigger some sort of alarm? Then the nurse might come to check on me, and I might have a chance to establish some way of communicating with them. But there’s nothing. The respirator continues to function rhythmically, and I don’t hear any warning sound.

I can’t stop myself from shouting in my mind. I don’t know how much time has passed when I suddenly realize that I seem to be free? I walk through a garden filled with the scent of flowers, barefoot, feeling the grass brushing against my skin, itching, but soft underfoot. I can still feel the slightly soft soil beneath the flattened grass, rising and breathing with my steps. I stretch out my arms, and the bushes by the roadside brush across my palms, like an endless wall, or like countless small hands greeting me. I look ahead, and at the end of the grass, there is a beach. Beyond the beach, I see rolling waves—that’s the sea! The place where I grew up!

I run toward the sea, quickly reaching the beach. With every step, I feel the sand seeping through my toes and falling away as I lift my foot. After running for a while, I step onto the wet sand, and the waves come up to my feet, like thousands of tiny hands tapping gently on my feet, then quickly retreating. As the waves recede, some sand is carried away, causing my feet to sink deeper into the sand. Another wave arrives, tapping my feet again with countless tiny hands before quickly retreating, and my feet sink a little more with each retreating wave.

I close my eyes, immersed in this feeling, when suddenly, I sense another presence nearby. I open my eyes and look around. Not far away, in the glow of the setting sun, I see a small figure. I focus my eyes and realize that it’s a little dog! It’s Cooky, who has been gone for six years! It sits quietly, staring at the sea, with the sea breeze gently tousling its fur. But it stays still, looking at the sea as if deep in thought or waiting for something. I turn and run toward it, shouting, "Cooky!"

Just then, another sound interrupts, like a stack of books falling to the ground, followed by the clattering of metal equipment. Suddenly, everything disappears, and darkness fills the space, with a faint light in the corner. I look around in confusion when a conversation enters my ears:

"I'm sorry!"
"It’s okay, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I’m fine, sorry for knocking over your equipment."
"It’s fine, as long as you're okay..."

Then, the sound of equipment being adjusted and paper rustling fills the room, followed by the sound of wheels rolling as a cart moves. I realize that I’ve returned to my body in the hospital room. The beach scene—it was a dream? I was free in the dream, but waking up, I’m trapped in this body which is also a lonely cage...

"Hey! Hey!" I guess they can’t hear me, but I can’t help trying to make a sound. Just as I expect, they don’t hear me and continue their conversation...

"1391 has been more than six months now. It seems like there’s no change?"
"Yeah, the doctor said the chances of recovery are slim..."
"I don’t think I’ve seen his family. Did he ever have family visit him?"
"I don’t think so..."
"How pitiful..."

The conversation stops abruptly, and a dead silence follows. Only the sound of my respirator slowly running fills the space. I hear the rustling of paper, and after a while, another voice quietly asks, "Do you think he can perceive his surroundings but just can’t respond?"

In that moment, I feel a surge of energy and want to shout, “Yes, yes! I can hear you! I’m right here!”

But, just like before, they ignore me. Another woman’s voice calmly responds, "There’s no sign of that at the moment. Our equipment only indicates normal physiological parameters."

"He cried last time. Does that mean he’s aware, or is there some other reason for it?"

"Not necessarily. The tear glands don’t always rely on psychological factors. Various external stimuli or even nerve reflexes can trigger it."

"What about the brainwaves? Any abnormalities?" the other girl asks.

"I’m not sure. We’ve applied for additional neurological tests, including brainwaves, but the insurance company hasn’t approved them yet."

"Oh... okay. It’s so sad, he might not even know he’s already dead..."

I can’t help but mutter again, "But I’m not dead! I’m right here!" But the wall between us still stands cold and firm, separating me from their world. Suddenly, I feel a burst of anger. The gods of fate have trapped me on this side of the wall, constantly feeding me information from the other side but not allowing me to send even a simple message saying, "I’m still here," forever keeping me imprisoned here. What kind of cruel torment is this! I would rather be dead, but I am powerless, unable to end my own life!

As time passes, my hearing becomes more sensitive. I can identify the sounds of footsteps from the far end of the corridor, the alarms at the nurse's station, and even hear the nurses' conversations on the other side of the corridor, as well as the sound of a TV playing in the distance. With the help of the TV news, I can occasionally figure out the date and time. I’ve been lying here for eight months... I can hear the patient in the bed next to mine. During one quiet moment, probably at night, the alarm of some equipment suddenly sounds. The nurse’s footsteps approach, and the door slams open. More hurried footsteps rush into the room, followed by orders, voices filling the air, then the sound of wheels rolling as more equipment is brought in. Finally, the long beep of a heart monitor stopping, and everything becomes quiet. A calm voice says, "That’s it. I believe you’ve done your best. I’ll notify the family..."

Then the sound of the wheels continues rolling, footsteps and soft sobs gradually fade away. I try to identify every sound, but soon all that’s left is the noise from the far end of the corridor. After some time, more people enter the room, the rolling of wheels stops, followed by the sound of the bed or something moving, and then the wheels roll again as the footsteps fade away.

When can I leave? During this time, I soar freely in my dreams, trapped in a cage in reality, hoping that every shout I make will be heard. But no miracle happens. The nurses and doctors come and go. Every time, my indicators are normal, but there’s no sign of improvement. I become more and more desperate. I try to hold my breath, hoping to suffocate myself. I attempt to control my heartbeat to stop blood circulation and die, but every time I try, I fall into a deep sleep, floating through dreams, only to wake up again in the cage, listening for any faint sound around me, trying again to end my life by stopping my breath or heartbeat...

"He’s been like this for a year. Do you think there’s still hope for him?" a voice asks.
"Very slim. The insurance company hasn’t approved the other tests we applied for..." another girl replies.
"Ah, I heard the insurance paid out a lot, and he has insurance too, so maybe it can cover his brain tests?"
"I’m not sure, but I think... if the tests show there’s still awareness, the insurance company might think the cost of recovery is higher than just maintaining the status quo."
"Ah!? Isn’t that unfair?!" the girl replies angrily.
"Well, that’s how it is..." the other girl responds helplessly.

At this moment, I feel not only despair but also anger. In my world, the spark of anger falls from the sky. My thoughts run wild like a galloping wild horse, racing across a burning prairie, free, and finally crashing into the horizon, exploding into fireworks...

That day, after their conversation stopped, the room remained silent for a long time. A nurse leaves first. I feel the remaining nurse standing at my feet, looking at me, silent for a long time. After an unknown amount of time, she steps away softly and slowly closes the door...

In my world, the sky shrinks to a small well opening. I sit at the bottom of the well, looking up at that tiny patch of sky. Even though I have infinite life ahead of me, it’s all I have—a tiny patch of sky. What kind of life is this? Does this life still have meaning? But I still can’t die or wake up. This is my world: a dark well, a small piece of sky, a trapped soul struggling to rise, only to fall again and again to the bottom. I raise my hand to touch the sky, but realize my hand no longer exists. In the dream, I seem freer. What is the meaning of my consciousness? The real world seems to have no meaning for me, and the dream—could that be the place where I am truly alive?

Another Christmas comes. The TV at the end of the corridor plays holiday music and news. The nurses talk about the upcoming holidays, family gifts, and occasionally, the sound of alarms breaks the quiet night, followed by hurried footsteps in the corridor, and then everything settles again...

I long for those cold nights when I drove alone through the dark night into the silent desert. Orion rises in the winter night. The white Rigel, the red Betelgeuse, quietly shining in the winter night sky. I look at the stars, feeling so small yet possessing the whole universe. But where is my home? I’ve been searching but never found it. Now, my soul is imprisoned in this cage. If I live for 100 years, it will be a 100-year prison. I can’t leave. But if I truly leave, where will I go? Do I even still exist? Our bodies, even if we can walk freely and speak with others, are they still a cage, just a slightly freer one? Is true freedom the consciousness in my dreams?

Suddenly, I feel a jolt, and I sit up from the bed! Shocked, I look around. I’m amazed to see that I’m still lying in bed, much thinner, with my hair and beard shaved off. My body is attached to some equipment, with some green and red warning lights flickering, but no sound. I turn to the other corner of the room. A janitor, wearing headphones, probably listening to music to block out the noise, pushes a large vacuum cleaner. He turns it toward the other side of my bed, and notices the cords tangled in some equipment. He sets the vacuum down, walks over, unplugs it, and walks to the other side of my bed to plug it in again, resuming his work. That’s when I realize that the equipment that was plugged in earlier has lost power, and the equipment by my bed, including my respirator, has stopped.

The janitor continues working, humming a song, unaware of my presence as I drift past him. I look back at my body, calm and peaceful. It feels real, yet dreamlike. So, am I dead? I’m not sure. What am I now? A soul? Where will I go? Suddenly, I want to laugh out loud. I’m free! I’m free!!!

I turned and drifted out the window, the cold night sky stretching endlessly above me. Orion still hung high, its stars gleaming down, and I took a deep breath with my soul, spreading my wings, flying toward the infinite darkness of the night…

(End)

短篇科幻 - 靈囚

光！有一道光！

我望向光的方向，卻突然發現，我只能感知到光的位置，卻看不到任何東西，我怎麼了？我慌張地想抬起手揉揉眼睛，卻發現，我無法感知到我的手在動，也無法感覺到我的臉在哪兒，這是怎麼回事！我驚訝的想張嘴說點什麼，卻也無法感知自己的嘴巴有所動作，我在哪裡？我怎麼了？一連串的疑問伴隨著緊張的情緒瞬間開始在腦中狂奔，我不知道我到底怎麼了！

一陣慌亂過後，我開始盡力回憶我最後的視覺印象，眾多的視覺碎片開始浮現出來，可是先後的順序卻雜亂無章，我覺得自己的呼吸都開始急促起來，但是，我也無法感知到自己的鼻子的存在，以及氣流通過鼻孔的那種氣流和皮膚接觸的感覺，更感知不到自己的胸腔起伏，我是在夢裡麼？可是怎麼樣才可以醒過來？

我不知道過了多久，似乎我可以努力把一些視覺記憶拼湊起來了，我記得我從一個商店出來，走在人行道上，突然背後響起一些人們的驚呼，伴隨著刺耳的剎車聲，緊跟著我似乎被一個東西從後方鏟起來，整個臀部和背部還有後腦袋被一大片物體托起來，我的臉朝著上方飛上天空，天空很藍很藍，有一瞬間我覺得我只要抬起手就可以摸到天空了，緊跟著天空就變成了白色，然後變成褐色，最後是紅色，我就睡著了，再醒來就是我剛才看到那道光了。

從這個記憶來看，我似乎是被車子從後方撞上了？那我現在哪裡？醫院？可是為什麼我感覺不到自己物理上的存在呢？我的手呢？身體呢？臉呢？我能感覺到他們的位置，卻無法感知到任何他們和外界的交互，觸覺，溫度，嗅覺，似乎完全消失了...

是不是我還沒醒來？我還在昏迷中？那我又睡去，是不是休息好了就可以醒來了？我還在思考這個問題，突然聽見一陣輕微的腳步聲，緊跟著是門鎖轉動和開門的聲音，腳步聲離我越來越近，然後停下了，我想張口，卻又回到那種感覺，我可以感覺我努力的想發出聲音，但是卻感覺不到自己的喉嚨，更感覺不到自己舌頭和嘴唇....

「餵！！！餵！！！！我在這裡！！！」我無聲地喊著，但是腳步聲又繼續移動起來，然後又是門鎖轉動的聲音，緊跟著是門輕輕的關上的聲音，以及漸行漸遠的腳步聲，我依然在無聲地大喊著“我在這裡，我在這裡啊！！！”

我不知道我這麼無聲的吶喊了多久，我想，或許是因為我還在昏迷的夢裡面吧？只有意識和聽覺恢復了，所以我的喊叫只有在夢裡發生，再休息一下或許就會醒來？重新感覺到自己的身體？於是我安靜下來，開始聆聽周遭的一切...

我聽到輕微的風聲，似乎是來自空調的通風口，以及微弱的滋滋聲，應該是周圍的什麼設備，以及有規律的一些輕微的機械聲，好像是一個滑輪在把一個東西拉起來再放下，如此往復，遠處似乎還有一些有規律的滴滴聲，以及偶爾模糊的人聲，但是我聽不清他們在說什麼... 所以，我應該是在室內，應該是醫院，有醫護人員在走動檢查，周圍有各種設備，但是現在是什麼時間？我是不是還在昏迷中啊？我茫然不知...

那我現在應該是醒著的狀態？我開始嘗試入睡，但是無果，於是我又開始努力的去感覺自己的手指是否有接觸其他東西的感覺，可是，我只能感覺到“我有手指”，但是沒有任何觸覺，更無法動彈，甚至是手指頭的一絲抖動我都無法完成。

不知道嘗試了多久，我又睡著了...

吵醒我的是一陣嘈雜的聲音，有很重的設備在不遠的地方推動，輪子在地上滾動的聲音，還有無法辨識的遠處傳來的人聲，以及一些滴滴響的設備的警告聲，我努力辨識著每一種聲音，但是似乎隔著門或牆，總是無法聽清，突然我聽到門被打開的聲音，然後有什麼東西被推進來了，走廊裡面的各種吵雜的人聲也伴隨著門被打開，變得清晰起來。

“Kris，Jay醫生讓你過去一下！”
“送去137號房吧，那個房間有個床位空出來了。”
“等下可以過來把131號房的冷氣看一下麼？似乎溫度偏低了...”
“Alice，麻煩你過來一下！”
“David，可以麻煩你把這個資料送去MRI那邊麼？”

所以我肯定了我應該在醫院，但我為什麼還是什麼都看不見也感覺不到？我醒了麼？那道光還在，不一會兒，伴隨著拉窗簾的聲音，那道光似乎變成溫暖的橙色，可是我依然感覺不到溫度，更談不上有任何觸覺。

「餵！有人麼！！！我在這裡」我喊道，雖然還是無法感覺到自己的喉嚨和舌頭， 我又繼續嘗試了一次，「餵！！！餵！！！我在這裡，你們可以聽到我嗎？

沒有回應，緊跟著是吸塵器的聲音響起，有點吵，我下意識的想抬起手摀住自己的耳朵，但是，我知道我的手存在，可以卻無法感知它有移動，更感覺不到自己的耳朵，更談不上摀住耳朵隔絕噪音。我突然開始慌亂起來，是不是我已經醒了，但是我無法移動身體，也無法發出聲音，所以他們也不知道我已經醒了！

“餵！！！！我在這裡啊！！！我醒了啊！！！”
“有人可以聽到我嗎！！！”
“你們為什麼都聽不到我啊！！！我就在這裡啊！！！”

我感覺自己開始絕望的哭喊了，可是，我依然感覺不到我的喉嚨和舌頭，也聽不到自己發出過任何聲音，吸塵器停下了，我繼續呼喊了一陣，然後就听見清潔工在收拾東西推著吸塵器離開，緊跟著門就關上了，走廊的聲音又變成含糊其辭的人聲...

“餵！為什麼你們都聽不到我啊！”

我能感覺到我已經帶著絕望的哭腔了，甚至都可以想像淚水從眼睛裡面流出來，可是，依然沒有感覺到我臉上的肌肉有任何的反饋，喉嚨，舌頭，嘴巴，依然像是缺席了一樣。

又不知道過了多久，門輕輕的打開了，一些雜亂的腳步聲走近了，我不由自主地又開始呼喊“有人麼！我在這裡！” 即使我知道很有可能沒人可以聽見.. .

「139房1391號病人，Sean Hsu」 一個女孩的聲音傳來。
「是的，是我，我是Sean！我就在這裡！」我拼盡全力呼喊著。
「交通事故，創傷性腦部損傷，目前植物狀態，其他生理指標正常。」另一個女孩的聲音。

植物狀態！ ？ 我是植物人？啊？ ！

「我能聽見你們啊，我就在這裡啊，救救我！」我下意識的喊著，即使沒有喉舌的神經反饋，我依然拼盡全力叫喊著，「可是，我就在這裡啊！！！ 」
「哎可惜了，這麼年輕，再觀察一陣吧，如果恢復了自主呼吸就可以拆掉呼吸機了。」一個略微老成的女聲慢慢的回答。

我突然醒悟過來，那個發出像滑輪一樣拉起放下東西一樣有規律的聲音，是我的呼吸器的聲音。

「但是我醒了啊，我就在這裡啊，你們怎麼就聽不見我呢？。。。我真的醒了啊！」我繼續無聲的吶喊著，意念中努力的抬起手搖晃著，希望她們可以聽到看到，但是，腳步聲再次響起，她們魚貫著離開，門又輕輕的關上了...

我絕望地在意識中張開嘴吶喊，雖然知道自己其實發不出任何聲音，但是那種絕望讓我抑制不住吶喊的衝動，似乎自己被困在了一個囚籠中，而且是四肢甚至呼吸都被綁的那種無法掙脫的掙扎，我的意識感覺到自己的呼吸也急促了起來，進入了一種因為絕望而無法呼吸的狀態，就像是一個活人被捆綁起來，然後被放進去一個棺材，但是意識還清醒著，聽著棺材板被釘上，剩餘的空氣被凝固在一個小小的盒子裡面，手和腳也因為捆綁無法動彈，竭斯底裡的吶喊更是無人知曉，然後聽著棺材被放入墓穴，再聽到一鏟子一鏟子的土壤被倒入墓穴覆蓋住自己所在的棺材，更可怕的是在這種絕望的囚籠中，意識一直還清醒著，然後我突然想到，會不會影響到呼吸，因此會觸發什麼警告，這樣護士就可以過來檢查我了，我可能就有機會和她們建立一些溝通方式了？可是並沒有，呼吸器依然有規律的運作著，我沒有聽到任何的警告音。

我無法抑制地繼續在意識中吶喊著，不知道過了多久，我突然意識到自己似乎自由了？我漫步在一個充滿花香的花園中，赤著腳，我的腳底和腳尖能感覺到青草在皮膚上劃過，癢癢的但是又被軟軟的踩平，我還能感覺到被壓平的草葉下，略微鬆軟的土壤隨著我的走動起伏著呼吸著，我伸展開手，路邊的灌木枝葉從手掌上劃過，似乎是一堵綿延不絕的牆，又像是無數的小小綠葉似的手掌和我一一問候道別，我望向遠方，草地的盡頭，是一片沙灘，比沙灘更遠的地方，是一片起伏的波濤，那是大海！我長大的地方！

我向著大海的方向奔跑起來，很快就踏入了沙灘，踩下每一腳，都能感覺到沙子從指間滲出到腳面，然後又隨著腳的抬起而從腳面上落下，奔跑了一會兒，我踏入了濕潤的沙灘，海浪湧上來，蓋到我的腳面，就像是成千上萬的細小的手掌拍打著腳面，然後又迅速的一起退去，隨著海浪的退去，腳底的沙子被帶走一些，於是整個腳麵便陷入了沙灘一些，緊跟著是下一波的海浪，再次用無數的細小手掌拍打著腳面，再迅速的退去，腳掌又隨著沙子的離去繼續一點點陷入沙灘...

我閉上眼睛，沉浸在這種感覺中，突然感覺到身邊似乎還有其他人，我睜開雙眼四處張望，不遠處在夕陽的餘暉裡，一個小小的身影印入眼簾，我慢慢調整視線，才看清楚那是一隻小狗！ 那是Cooky，它已經離開我6年了！它很安靜的蹲著，看著大海，海風溫柔而有力地吹亂了它的毛髮，可是它就那麼一動不動的看著大海，像是在思考什麼問題又像是在等待什麼東西，我轉過身向它跑去：“Cooky！”

此時另外一個聲音響起，似乎是一疊書打翻在地上，伴隨著一些鋼製器材碰撞的聲音，我眼前的一切景象突然消失，伴隨著的是一片黑暗，和一個角落若有若無的光，我不知所措的東張西望，這時一個對話傳入耳朵：

“不好意思啊！”
“嗯不要緊，你沒事吧？”
“嗯沒事，不好意思弄翻了你的器材。”
「不要緊的，你沒事就好...」

然後是一陣擺弄器材和紙張翻動的聲音，然後是推車的輪子繼續滾動的聲音，我反應過來，這是我回到病房上我的身體了，那剛才那個海邊的場景，是我睡著了做夢？我居然在夢中是自由的，醒來，卻進入了這個孤獨的囚籠...

「Hey！Hey！」 我估計她們聽不到我，但是我還是不由自主地嘗試發出聲音，但是如我預期的，她們沒有聽到我的聲音，而是在繼續著對話...

“1391已經6個多月了，好像沒有什麼變化？”
“嗯，醫生也說恢復的可能性不大...”
“嗯，我好像沒有見過他的家人，他曾經有家人來看過他麼？”
“好像沒有...”
“好可憐...”

對話嘎然而止，死寂一般的沉默，只有我的呼吸機在慢慢的運作著，我聽到紙張翻頁的聲音，過了一會兒，另外一個聲音很小聲的問到：「你覺得會不會他能感知到周圍，但是無法做出回應？

那一瞬間我似乎充滿了力量喊起來 ：“對的對的！我可以聽見你們，我就在這裡！”

但是，和之前一樣，她們並沒有理我，另外一個女子的聲音很淡定的回答：“目前沒有跡象顯示有這個徵兆，我們目前這套東西只能判斷生理指標正常。”

“他上次流淚了，那是有意識還是什麼原因呢？”

“不一定，淚腺的工作原理不一定依賴於心理，各種外界刺激甚至是神經反射都會觸發。”

「那腦電波什麼的有什麼異常麼？」那個女生繼續問到。

“不知道呢，我們申請了另外一個神經檢測，包括腦電波，但是目前保險公司還沒批准。”

“哦...好吧，他這樣太可憐了，可能都不知道自己已經死了...”

我又忍不住嘟囔起来 “可是我没有死啊，我就在这里啊！” ，但是，我和她们之间的那堵墙，依然冷冰冰的矗立着，隔绝了我和她们所在的世界，我突然出离愤怒，命运之神这样把我困在墙的这一端，不停的给我输入墙的另一端的讯息，却不让我传递哪怕是一条 “我还在” 的消息，把我永远的困在墙的这一端，这是何种残忍的煎熬！我宁可我此时已经死去，但是我却无能为力，我甚至连结束自己生命的力量都没有！

随着时间的推移，我的听力越发的敏感，我能判断出走廊远端的脚步声，护士台的各种警报声，甚至可以听到护士们在走廊另外一端彼此的对话，以及走廊远端一台电视的声音，借助着电视新闻我甚至还能偶尔知道日期和时间，我已经在这里躺了8个月了... 我能听到我左边床位上的病患，在某个寂静的时刻，应该是夜晚，某个器材的警报声突然响起，然后护士的脚步声由远而近，门被轰然推开，然后更多急促的脚步声涌进这个房间，各种操作指令，人声鼎沸，然后随着轮子的转动声，各种器材又被推进来，最后随着长长的心跳停止的监控声，一切安静下来，一个沉着的声音说：“就这样吧，我相信你们已经尽力了，我去通知家属...”

然後器材的輪子繼續滾動起來，腳步聲和一些啜泣的聲音漸漸遠去，我努力辨識著每一絲聲音，但是漸漸的只剩下走廊遠端的嘈雜聲音，又不知道過了多久，又有人走進來，伴隨著輪子的滾動聲停止，然後是病床或什麼東西翻動的聲音，輪子繼續滾動起來隨著腳步聲遠去了。

什麼時候可以離去呢？這段期間，我在睡夢中自由飛翔，在現實中困在囚籠裡，期待著每一次努力的吶喊能被人聽到，可是奇蹟並沒有發生，護士和醫生們來來去去，每次都是我的各項指標正常，但沒有其他好轉的跡象，我也越來越絕望，我試著屏住呼吸想把自己憋死，我努力著用思維控制心跳停止，讓自己停止血液循環死去，可是每一次的嘗試，我都在精疲力竭中沉沉睡去，在時有時無的夢境中飛翔著，然後在囚籠中繼續甦醒，聆聽周圍的任何細微聲響，再次嘗試用停止呼吸或心跳結束自己的生命...

「他這樣已經一年了，你覺得他還有希望麼？」一個聲音響起。
「很渺茫，申請的其他測試保險公司沒有批准...」另外一個女孩的聲音回覆。
“啊，據說車禍保險賠償了不少啊，他自己也有保險，應該可以覆蓋他的腦部檢測吧？”
“不清楚，但我覺得可能...如果檢測出來還有意識，保險公司覺得康復需要的成本比維持現狀更高吧？”
「啊！？那這樣豈不是很不公平？！」 那個女生很憤怒。
「哎，都這樣...」 另外那個女生無奈的回答。

我此時此刻除了絕望，更多的是憤怒，在我的世界裡，憤怒的火種從天而降，我的思維像奔騰的野馬，在燃燒的草原上奔跑，無拘無束，最終撞上天際爆炸成一片煙火. ..

那天，她們的對話停止之後，房間裡面寂靜了很久，一個女護士先行離去了，我能感覺到剩下的那個護士站在我的腳邊，看著我，許久沒有說話，過了不知道多久，她踏著輕輕的腳步離去了，緩緩的關上了門....

在我的世界裡，天空縮小成了一個井口，我坐在井底，仰望著那片小小的天空，縱使我還有無限的壽命，我也只有這一小片天空了，這是一種什麼樣的活著，這樣的活著還有意義？但是，我依然無法死去，也無法醒來，這就是我的世界，一個黑暗的井底，一片小小的天空，被困住的靈魂掙扎著想要飄起來，卻一次一次地摔落在井底，我抬起手想要觸摸那一片天空，卻發現我的手也不存在，夢境裡的我似乎更自由，我的意識的存在意義到底是什麼，現實世界似乎對我完全沒有意義，而夢境，會是我真正活著的地方麼？

又是一年聖誕，走廊盡頭的電視在播放著假日的音樂和新聞，護士們彼此的問候都是有關來臨的假期的安排，給家人的禮物，偶爾的夜晚也會響起警報聲，伴隨著走廊裡匆忙的腳步，然後再歸於平靜...

我懷念那些冰冷的夜晚，我獨自一人開車，穿過漆黑的夜晚，進入寂靜的荒漠，獵戶座會在冬天的夜晚升起，白色的 Rigel，紅色的Betelgeuse，在冬夜安靜地閃耀著光芒，我望著星空，感覺自己如此渺小卻又擁有了整個宇宙，但是，我的家在哪裡，我一直在尋找但卻始終無果，而現在，我的靈魂被禁錮在這個囚籠裡面，如果我還能活100歲，這就是一個100年的監獄，我無法離開，但是如果我真的離開了，我又會去向哪裡，我還存在麼？我們的肉體，即使是可以自由的行走以及和別人用語言交往，是否依然是一個囚籠，只是一個略微自由的囚籠，那真正的自由，是在我的夢裡的那個意識麼？

突然我感覺一抖，我從床上坐了起來！我震驚之餘開始環顧四周，我驚訝的看見我依然躺在床上，消瘦了很多，頭髮和鬍子都被刮掉了，身上掛著一些儀器，有些綠色和紅色的警示燈光交錯著，但是沒有聲音，我轉向房間的另一個角落，一個清潔工戴著耳機，應該是聽著音樂隔絕了噪音，推著一個巨大的吸塵器在操作著，他把吸塵器轉過我的床腳，然後發現電線纏繞在一個器材上，於是他放下吸塵器，走過去拔出插頭，再拿著插頭走到我的床的另一側，插上插頭，繼續開始操作吸塵器，這時候我才注意到，他剛才插的插頭上原先的一套器材被拔掉電源了，我床的那一側的器材沒有任何的指示燈，包括我的呼吸器也是停止了...

清潔工繼續熟練的操作著吸塵器，哼著歌曲，我飄過他身邊，不出所料他根本意識不到我的存在，我回頭再看看床上的自己，一切那麼平靜，真實而又像在夢裡，所以我是死了？我不確定，那我現在是什麼，靈魂？我會去向哪裡？我突然想放聲大笑，我自由了，我自由了！ ！ ！

我轉身飄出窗外，寒冷的夜空中，獵戶座依然高掛著閃耀著，我用意識做了一口深呼吸，展開翅膀，朝著無垠的夜空飛去...

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